lost in the gloom...

Ugh.


The end of Summer typically means everyone rushing back to their nicer homes in the city after spending months by the seaside, avoiding the chill that arrives with the start of Fall or Autumn moving toward us. 

For me though ... 

Fall is the time of year for reflection, for retreating, for forgetting. 

I'm not a happy creature by any means. 

I'm someone who spends much of my days and nights wondering if I'm really going anywhere at all or if I'm better off throwing my hand back into the deck and shuffling again.

I don't calculate as well as others can but you can be certain I do try. 

Gods above, I try. 

Luck isn't something I worry much over anymore, it isn't the luck that worries or stresses me ... I'd have to say, without a doubt, its more the fear of not being able to leave a solid impression on this world that terrifies me. 

Nothing gnaws at the psyche into the early hours of the morning like 'oh gods is it too late for me? Am I just to be another product of a Fascist regime come to light? Am I better off not doing anything and simply drawing back from further competition with those around me?' 

Many thoughts like this and others ring out as loud as thunder inside my cranium, robbing me of sleep and my peaceful nightly visions :/ 

Cali Z is deff gonna be a mover and shaker someday. 

Just need to figure out what I'm gonna be moving and whose gonna do the shaking.. 



Cali Z doesn't fear anyone or anything of the mortal sort: I'm more terrified of cosmic forces that'd strip me of my breath in a heartbeat. 

Death is the heavyweight champion with iron spikes in his gloves, I'm the country hayseed with big dreams and even bigger shoes to fill. 

What's a bopper to do when facing an entity of the galaxy?